I met Tanya when I was in high school.  I can’t remember exactly how we met.  She was going to Elms.  I would visit her there all the time.  I was working at the gym on campass and she would come and visit, her and her amazing smile.  I remember we were instant friends.  She always made me feel better just being around her.  It was a time in my life that was hard in a lot of ways.  A time when a girl is trying to find her way.  Tanya was always there.  Her smile and her attitude encouraged and supported me.  We did so much together.  And we did nothing together.  Some of my most favorite times was just being around her, hanging out.  It was always an adventure.  Always.  I remember when I had told her I was moving, she yelled at me, “Do you know where that is!?”  I said, “Well no, it’s not too far tho, right?”  She pulled out a map and showed me, and I cried.  I remember her getting in touch with me a few times, and I visited her when I went home.  Eventually life got busy and hard and I had to grow up.  I was scared about what my history with Tanya would bring to Colorado.  See, I left home under really crazy circumstances.  I was getting high a lot.  I was drinking a lot.  I was fighting with everyone a lot.  And Tanya was with me through it all.  When we would talk, it was painful to remember the trouble I had been in.  I was scared when Tanya spoke to me about visiting.  I had a family.  I didn’t know what would happen if my life got involved in that way again, now with a son to take care of I couldn’t be the same person.  I didn’t tell Tanya any of this, I just… I just ran away from her.  I don’t know what she thought of me for doing that.  I can only imagine she thought the very worst.  With good reason.  Till this day I am scared to ask the people who knew her.  Tanya and I stopped talking, and with it I lost my very best friend.  There will never be a friend like Tanya.  She was loyal.  She was honest, sometimes brutally honest.  She always kept me guessing.  She was beautiful.  She was fun, so so fun.  I loved her so much.  Her smile is forever in my heart.  I have so many regrets, I was young and scared.   

Tanya Bankasingh August 20 1976 – March 2 2012 A woman who truly lived every second like it was her last.  Like she knew, she didn’t have long.  It is a privilage to have known you.  I am so sorry I was not the friend to you, that you were to me. 

 Tanya, forgive me.